Reflection from Asia Oceanic All Stars Tour

This photo to me sums up how I feel I played overall during the Asian Oceanic All Stars Tour ... trying, but not quite there.

I enjoyed playing in AOAS and I really appreciate the opportunity to play with the other all star women from around the region, but in hindsight, I didn't 100% feel in my element all the time.

In truth, as we progressed from the game against Rival Ultimate to the game against Toronto 6ixers, I found it more difficult to find my footing on the field.

I'm not always the most assertive person in that I try to go with the flow and see what happens and see what other people do or say before I give my thoughts. I often prefer to listen / watch / observe before asserting myself. In times like this, I'm a more relaxed and stress-free player who plays with less over-thinking and more instinct. Often in these situations, I enjoy the game more and feel my performance increase.

At the beginning, when we were forming role groups (ie., handler or not handler), I placed myself in the non handler group. After being one of the primary handlers on my club team in HK for the past two years, I wanted to go back to cutting as a primary role again. It was fun. Then I went from cutting more to handling more and starting to feel a bit out of place because while I do handle on Black Kites, I'm also not always the most comfortable with handling when I feel there are women who are more capable at it than I. I wanted to prove I could do it, and I felt I started to assert myself too much: too much cutting and getting in the way while I also started giving myself pressure and engaging in negative self-talk: "don't f*ck up," "don't overthrow", "don't underthrow" and so on ... in times like this, I definitely enjoy the game less and underperform. Then there was that day against Brute Squad when I was called to cut from the side line for Kat, and not only did I initiate late, but I cut horizontally across the field. Of course I missed the disc. I initiated the cut late because I questioned when to start the cut.

I know that the more I doubt myself, the worse I perform. I know that when I give myself a list of don't do's I often give myself too much pressure. And even though I recognise how I personally function, I often don't take the better steps or actions that help me get to where I want to be.

I think as players -- especially ones who are perceived to be "talented" -- but who are also ambitious and want to do more with our skills and our game, it's sometimes easy to overdo and overthink. I certainly fall in this category.

My reflection from this: going forward, I need to learn to simplify, and to re-channel that overthinking and wanting to prove what I can do in more positive ways.